I Kind of Want to be a Monk

[JamesR]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum or not, but, I'd like some advice and feedback--especially from anyone here who might be a monk/nun or have experience in monasticism. Here's some background. I'm a 17 year old Mexican male with a very Scholastic/rationalist mind, and, I converted to Orthodoxy two years ago against the wishes of my parents who are Evangelical Protestants. And, monasticism seems really appealing to me, and is something that I've considered becoming once I reach adulthood. Ever since I was a kid I've always been extremely introverted, distant, and solitary. I like being away from the world and being alone. I feel like I could reach my full spiritual potential whenever I am alone. I love contemplating on religious matters and praying in solitude by myself or maybe with a few of my closest friends. The thought of joining a skete with a couple other monks is a really attractive thought to me. And, I know that there is MUCH more to monasticism than just getting to be isolated from the world and live in solitude, but, I am up to the challenges I think. I've read the literature such as Way of the Ascetic and Sayings of the Desert Fathers and even with all the hardships, I'd much rather toil living a monastic life than to toil living a married life in the world like everyone else. In fact, that's another motivation for me. The thought of being married, having a family and living like every other average joe seems MISERABLE to me. I don't enjoy raising children (since I've practically been raising my younger siblings all my life), and I don't want to get married. I'd much rather be alone. I've only had one girlfriend before and I really disliked it. Monasticism seems perfect to me. Plus, all of my greatest role models like St. Gregory the Theologian and St. Augustine of Hippos were monastics; I want to be just like them and live a life that's at least somewhat comparable to them. Plus, I've always wanted a pony-tail

However, as you already know, my parents really aren't too happy with my conversion to Orthodoxy, seeing that they are Evangelical Protestants. And the thought of me becoming a monk is something they don't like even more. I privately talked to my mom about it a few weeks ago and when I told her I wanted to be a monk, she looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. It really blew her back and caught her off guard. She was more sad than angry, and I could see the sorrow in her eyes. She doesn't want me to become a monk because she wants grandchildren and a daughter-in-law from me, and because she thinks it's "unhealthy" for a man to not have a wife and kids. You know, the typical Evangelical/Islam anti-monasticism slander. If my mom reacted this negatively toward it, I imagine that my dad would react even more negatively, knowing him. So what should I do? Monasticism really fits into my personality, and I don't want to ever get married or have a family. But, my parents wouldn't approve of it at all. And how do I know if monasticism is really right for me, or if I am looking to it for the wrong reasons? I am very introverted and detached, so it is possible that part of the reason why I'm attracted to monasticism is because it feeds my shyness.

[Maria]

See if you can visit an Orthodox monastery for a weekend, or better, for a full week.

[JamesR]

See if you can visit an Orthodox monastery for a weekend, or better, for a full week.

My mom said she'd think about letting me visit one over the summer for a few days. If she says no, then I'll just have to wait one year till I turn 18 and then I can do it whether they like it or not.

[Maria]

See if you can visit an Orthodox monastery for a weekend, or better, for a full week.

My mom said she'd think about letting me visit one over the summer for a few days. If she says no, then I'll just have to wait one year till I turn 18 and then I can do it whether they like it or not.

Please do check out St. Gregory of Sinai Monastery in Kelseyville.
If you take the bus, the monks there can arrange for someone to pick you up at the bus station.

Keep in contact with Father Photios as some parishioners from Bakersfield visit that monastery.
Perhaps you can carpool with them.

[Barbara]

I enjoyed reading your refreshingly honest post, James R !

By the way do you mind if I ask, how was it your family was Evangelicals ? Are there that many among the Hispanic community ??
It's a shock to me to hear about.

You mean : St Augustine of Hippo. There were not several hippopatamuses there...!

Let's give this some thought.

Meanwhile, just out of idle curiosity, why did you have such a bitter experience regarding the girlfriend? Sometimes that is a good
way to learn if you need to know some problems in real life.
Also then let's say you become a monk, you will not regret the way some monks might the lack of having any interaction with women of their age group.

Was she awful? What happened, as long as you are open to telling a small group of nice people. None will laugh at you, never fear.

P.S. My instinct strongly says that [no offense, Maria !] St Gregory is not the right monastery for YOU.
I think you need a tiny skete, very self-sufficient, with maybe one other present.

[JamesR]

By the way do you mind if I ask, how was it your family was Evangelicals ? Are there that many among the Hispanic community ??

Not too many. Both of my parents were raised Roman Catholic but lapsed sometime during their teenage years and then got caught up in the uber Evangelical movement of the 90s and early 00s and have been Evangelicals since.

You mean : St Augustine of Hippo. There were not several hippopatamuses there...!

Yup He is my patron. I know his theology was garbage for the most part, but, his conversion story really inspired me and personality wise, I feel that we share many of the same personality traits and background.

Meanwhile, just out of idle curiosity, why did you have such a bitter experience regarding the girlfriend?Sometimes that is a good way to learn if you need to know some problems in real life.

Because she always wanted to talk about her feelings and emotions, or ask about my feelings and emotions, and want to come with me everywhere. I don't like dealing with emotions and feelings; I'm somewhat detached in that department because of my upbringing. Plus, I like my space and solitude.

Also then let's say you become a monk, you will not regret the way some monks might the lack of having any interaction with women of their age group.

I don't think I would. It just sparks lust inside of me anyway whenever I am, so I try to avoid it. My parents think it's unnatural though and always try to encourage me to interact more and go out with women my age, even though I really don't want to.

Was she awful? What happened, as long as you are open to telling a small group of nice people. None will laugh at you, never fear.

In my opinion, she was way too emotionally burdensome and clingy. Always wanted to talk about her feelings, always was sad, always wanted to be around me every waking moment. On the other hand though, I wasn't perfect either. I'm too emotionally detached and distant.

P.S. My instinct strongly says that [no offense, Maria !] St Gregory is not the right monastery for YOU.
I think you need a tiny skete, very self-sufficient, with maybe one other present.

That would be nice. I love interacting with only a couple of trusted people in solitude.

[m. Evfrosinia]

Dear James, may God bless your desire, and may He guide you to the path in life where you might best serve Him and do His Holy Will.
As someone with almost 32 years of monastic experience, I would like to point out a few things that I hope will be of some help. It is not at all necessary to be an introvert and to like solitude to become a monk. All sorts of people are called to this way of life, it has nothing to do with a particular type or personality. Most monasteries are split more or less evenly between extroverts and introverts. It might come as a surprise to some, but enjoying prayer and a desire to pray are also not necessarily prerequisites or a sign that you are called to monasticism. ALL Orthodox Christians, all of us who are working out our salvation, are called to pray unceasingly, and that is something most of us struggle with up until our dying breath, experiencing periods of intense, joyous prayer, and the opposite-- times of spiritual dryness, when it's very difficult to pray. Neither is the lack of an interest in a lasting relationship with someone of the opposite sex a definite sign of a monastic vocation. Many monastics were happily married before they entered monasteries, and many monastics had very rewarding friendships or relationships and struggled hard to discern their monastic callings.
Ultimately, only 2 things are necessary for the monastic life and might be a sign that you are called to this path: 1) you have to love God beyond everything and everyone, with all your heart,and all your mind and soul and your entire being, and 2) you have to be ready to entirely renounce your will in everything and every circumstance, accepting that God's will will be revealed to you through your spiritual guides and superiors.
Such renunciation takes a lot of humility and is best learned in a cenobitic monastery, with a well established common life. The size is irrelevant.
May God help you discern His will for you.