James, you shouldn't feel ashamed of your sexual urges. I'm not sure if this was joasia's intention, but it sounded a bit like she was chastising you for being honest about having these urges. In Orthodoxy, we don't customarily go into details about sex, since they can provoke fantasies in others, but we are frank about the fact we have these urges. We're not Victorians who pretend that we never have these feelings.
I think also it is more difficult for a young man than an older woman. It may be harder for joasia to appreciate your struggles for this reason.
It's also good you understand that marriage is not just about sex. It's about sacrificing for each other and for the children (if God blesses you with any).
I suspect one problem is the feeling that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The extremely lengthy process of becoming independent in our culture aggravates this, and is a factor behind the widespread acceptance of pre-marital sex: it doesn't seem natural to expect chastity during the most hormonally-charged period of youth, but it seems equally imprudent to expect young people to settle down and start families when they don't have the means to be financially independent, let alone support a family. These are big concerns and I don't have easy solutions, but you should know I do understand where you're coming from.
My own theory is that the longer wait before marriage is the price we pay as a society for having overall a more stable and secure lifestyle. Provided we go to school and work low-paying jobs at first and save up and earn promotions, we are mostly guaranteed a life free of want and all the uncertainties and vicissitudes that most people at most times in history were faced with.
The best solution for you, if I may offer my own advice, would be to make a plan for getting ready for Christian marriage and set some goals that you can realistically achieve over the next few years, which will ultimately result in being ready for a wife and children. Working hard at school is obviously one thing: this will set you up for a wider range of decent-paying jobs. It's good you've got your driving license now: this is a crucial life skill, especially if you intend to support a wife and children. Saving up is also important, and it sounds like you already have frugal habits. Ask your bank about investing your savings so you can get some income other than just work.
In terms of finding a wife, I agree with the others that mail-order is a bad idea. Much better is to meet women through church: this will guarantee at least that you share faith. If you are clearly working hard towards your life goals that I outlined above, you will be a much more attractive prospect. Talk to young women at church coffee hour, ask them about their plans for life
Your parish priest knows everyone and could be a good matchmaker.
I agree with Lydia that your intentions are sound, and it is very rare in our society for young men to make plans to save sex for marriage.