Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

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JamesR
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Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by JamesR »

So, I'm being serious here.

Seeing that I'm going to be an adult this February, I do kind of want a wife very badly. I'll just be honest--I don't like the whole dating-till-you-find-someone Western ideal that seems to be a failure. For one, it's too difficult. Second, the number of Orthodox people in North America is extremely small, so I don't have that large of an Orthodox populace to choose from.

I don't want to settle for an Orthodox female I don't love simply because of our common religion, and I don't want to take the tempting pitfall of marrying a heterodox heathen woman, even though all my friends and heterodox family tell me to. Why not search for an Orthodox bride from an Orthodox country via a "mail-order" service or something? I could then choose from literally millions of Orthodox candidates for potential brides. This nice old man at my parish told me that I should get a mail-order bride from Greece. In his own words, he said that "Greece is such a dump" that I'd have "Greek dames busting your door down; you'd be getting dozens of responses, emails, and calls from interested women every day" simply for the fact that I'm Orthodox and American.

It kind of sounds like a good idea to be honest. Many Muslims in America I've met seem to practice some form of arranged/mail-order marriage where their children marry a Muslim from a traditionally Muslim country and they seem pretty happy. I don't like Muslims too much, but I have to give them credit--at least American ones--that's a very good idea that seems to keep them from the temptations of dating and other Western practices that seem to fail.

So would it be a good idea for me to do something similar? Would getting a young Orthodox bride of maybe 14-16 from a traditionally Orthodox country be a good idea? She could live with me and my family as my fiancé until we turn 18 and can marry. If she's humble and modest, then my mother would love her. She's always complaining about how she wishes she had another female in the house (other than my toddler sister). Then when I finish my education, we can get our own place and--as much as I don't want to--fulfill my duty to Christ to have children.

I do have a bit of fears though, however. My biggest fear is discerning an Orthodox woman who genuinely loves me and is interested in having a marriage with me from one that's merely looking for a green-card out of a lousy country. I know that this is a huge risk in the arranged/mail-order bride industry. My second fear is simply what people will think. What will my family and friends think? Telling them I acquired my wife via a mail-order bride or other arranged service is kind of taboo in America.

That being said, what is this board's thoughts on all of this? Would you see arranged and/or mail-order marriages as being a good alternative and solution to the Western concept of dating and our tiny number of Orthodox people in America? Is this something I should do or not? I really want my own little cute, petite innocent Orthodox wife to love and cherish and honor. Just the thought of wrapping my arms around her and telling her I love her and hearing her respond in a foreign language sounds very romantic to me; as does the thought of coming home to my own little wife everyday and introducing her to life in America. I mean, it could be good for both of us. There's so many beautiful and devout Orthodox women in lousy countries like Syria or Ukraine who could use a better life; I could provide that for one. Similarly, I really want my own little traditional Orthodox wife; she could provide that for me. It'd be a win-win for both of us.

"'Blessed are the peacemakers' For those are peacemakers in themselves who, in conquering and subjecting to reason all the motions of their souls and having their carnal desires tamed, have become in themselves a Kingdom of God."-St. Augustine of Hippo (Confessions)

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Maria
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Re: Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by Maria »

Do not use a Mail-Order Bride service.

You are going to college in two weeks, and there will be lots of pretty girls. However, you must learn to control yourself.

During Winter, Spring, and Summer breaks, there are opportunities to meet other college age Orthodox Christian students. Have you thought of working at an Orthodox Summer Camp? My son did that and met his future girl friend and now wife there

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.

JamesR
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Re: Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by JamesR »

Maria wrote:

Do not use a Mail-Order Bride service.

How come? Are they bad?

You are going to college in two weeks, and there will be lots of pretty girls. However, you must learn to control yourself.

I know; the problem is though, I don't know how many of them will be Orthodox.

During Winter, Spring, and Summer breaks, there are opportunities to meet other college age Orthodox Christian students.

I certainly hope so.

Have you thought of working at an Orthodox Summer Camp? My son did that and met his future girl friend and now wife there

Never really gave it much thought. I suppose that if it increases my odds of finding an Orthodox wife, it may be worth trying.

"'Blessed are the peacemakers' For those are peacemakers in themselves who, in conquering and subjecting to reason all the motions of their souls and having their carnal desires tamed, have become in themselves a Kingdom of God."-St. Augustine of Hippo (Confessions)

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Lydia
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Re: Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by Lydia »

Um, since you asked. I'd say it is a bad idea.
I think you'd run afoul of several laws if you acquired a 14 year old fiance from another country.
Also, be aware that families will often "sell" their daughters into marriage against their wishes.
I would never allow my daughter to marry a man I did not know well. I think most Orthodox parents would concur.

James, you are still so young. When you go out into the world you will meet many fine young women. Pray, and have faith that God will provide you with a suitable wife.
Their are many large Orthodox parishes in the United States. During vacation, you could stay with a family and get to know other people your own age who are also interested in marriage.
The parish I used to attend used to run retreats and conferences for this purpose.

I have to say, James, I'm very impressed with your attitude. You seem to want to do the God-pleasing things.

Yours, in Christ,
Lydia
Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

JamesR
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Re: Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by JamesR »

Thank you everyone. I suppose a "mail-order" bride is sort of a bad idea. I'll keep praying for a wife. I just hope she comes soon <3 It gets lonely without a female companion.

"'Blessed are the peacemakers' For those are peacemakers in themselves who, in conquering and subjecting to reason all the motions of their souls and having their carnal desires tamed, have become in themselves a Kingdom of God."-St. Augustine of Hippo (Confessions)

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Barbara
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Re: Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by Barbara »

That's CUTE, James R !

I will tell you one reason to never do the Mail-Order Bride From Russia program.
There's a movie about that, a little-known one, made 10 ? 15 ? years ago which exposes a lot about this.
I wish I could recall the name. You might enjoy watching it ! Can find over the internet surely if I can remember the title.

When you say "Mail Order Bride", the image flashes into my mind of a nice Russian young woman who was seated next to me
on a Delta flight out of Moscow one year. I can picture exactly the whole conversation, too, because it made such a lasting impression on me.
She was in the window seat and I was either the middle or the aisle seat.

She told her sad story. She had answered an ad by some man from Florida. She was on her way there right then after a visit to family in Russia.
She said that he sounded so great - until she actually came over to the US and became his "property", so to speak.
For : that's how she felt : terrified of him, miserable around him, and wished she had never embarked on this scheme.

I met another mail-order bride in the entryway to the Donskoy Monastery where a bookshop had been recently installed at the time I was there.
She detected I was American and confided, too. She wasn't AS unhappy as the first, but expressed some displeasure with how
things turned out differently from what she had imagined with the American man.

The truth is [anyone may disagree with me], only the bottom of the barrel men here go to this length to find themselves a wife
from overseas, particularly former East bloc countries.
So, the women have their tricks up their sleeves, too, and it turns out to be a really nasty combination !
Neither side is content, and big fights ensue. The woman can't take off and go back to her country the way a woman on a tourist visa [the
few granted by Russia today, I believe] can.
Hence misery falls on many of these matches.

You, James, sound too NICE of a guy to have to put up with a scheming Machiavelliania/ I hate to tell you that these
women from the East Bloc countries are practiced at tricking dumb men from America ! To put it bluntly. Many have no clue
about the religion or the culture and don't have much imagination to learn about them to please their new wife.
You are intelligent. But you ARE too innocent to withstand their blandishments.
I can't say a thing about the Greek women as I don't know anything.

Frankly, the kind of woman with CHARACTER would be someone like my old friend over there who said to me "I would NEVER want to
live in America ! I am very happy at home in my own country. It's my language and people and culture and I have zero interest
in trying to fit in to an essentially alien life there." She had patriotism, a quality not found in these Mail-Orderinas.
THAT is the type of woman you would want. She said to herself when she visited Chevetogne, the monastery in Belgium which
produces beautiful Russian chant, "I am not impressed with this compared with my own country's monasteries and Churches."
At that point, she mentioned that she determined to never seek asylum in Europe or America, though she possessed excellent credentials to do so in a heartbeat.

I sympathize with the idea that women from Orthodox countries would be much suitable than loud-mouthed, uncouth American youth of today.
Just don't do the Mail-Order route for that !
God arranges all and no meeting is ever by chance.....so just hold out for THE BEST wife for YOU.
NEVER SETTLE for less ! NEVER, NEVER !!

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joasia
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Re: Is Getting a Mail-Order Bride a Good Idea?

Post by joasia »

JamesR wrote:

So, I'm being serious here.

Seeing that I'm going to be an adult this February, I do kind of want a wife very badly. I'll just be honest--I don't like the whole dating-till-you-find-someone Western ideal that seems to be a failure. For one, it's too difficult. Second, the number of Orthodox people in North America is extremely small, so I don't have that large of an Orthodox populace to choose from.

I don't want to settle for an Orthodox female I don't love simply because of our common religion, and I don't want to take the tempting pitfall of marrying a heterodox heathen woman, even though all my friends and heterodox family tell me to. Why not search for an Orthodox bride from an Orthodox country via a "mail-order" service or something? I could then choose from literally millions of Orthodox candidates for potential brides. This nice old man at my parish told me that I should get a mail-order bride from Greece. In his own words, he said that "Greece is such a dump" that I'd have "Greek dames busting your door down; you'd be getting dozens of responses, emails, and calls from interested women every day" simply for the fact that I'm Orthodox and American.

It kind of sounds like a good idea to be honest. Many Muslims in America I've met seem to practice some form of arranged/mail-order marriage where their children marry a Muslim from a traditionally Muslim country and they seem pretty happy. I don't like Muslims too much, but I have to give them credit--at least American ones--that's a very good idea that seems to keep them from the temptations of dating and other Western practices that seem to fail.

So would it be a good idea for me to do something similar? Would getting a young Orthodox bride of maybe 14-16 from a traditionally Orthodox country be a good idea? She could live with me and my family as my fiancé until we turn 18 and can marry. If she's humble and modest, then my mother would love her. She's always complaining about how she wishes she had another female in the house (other than my toddler sister). Then when I finish my education, we can get our own place and--as much as I don't want to--fulfill my duty to Christ to have children.

I do have a bit of fears though, however. My biggest fear is discerning an Orthodox woman who genuinely loves me and is interested in having a marriage with me from one that's merely looking for a green-card out of a lousy country. I know that this is a huge risk in the arranged/mail-order bride industry. My second fear is simply what people will think. What will my family and friends think? Telling them I acquired my wife via a mail-order bride or other arranged service is kind of taboo in America.

That being said, what is this board's thoughts on all of this? Would you see arranged and/or mail-order marriages as being a good alternative and solution to the Western concept of dating and our tiny number of Orthodox people in America? Is this something I should do or not? I really want my own little cute, petite innocent Orthodox wife to love and cherish and honor. Just the thought of wrapping my arms around her and telling her I love her and hearing her respond in a foreign language sounds very romantic to me; as does the thought of coming home to my own little wife everyday and introducing her to life in America. I mean, it could be good for both of us. There's so many beautiful and devout Orthodox women in lousy countries like Syria or Ukraine who could use a better life; I could provide that for one. Similarly, I really want my own little traditional Orthodox wife; she could provide that for me. It'd be a win-win for both of us.

I'll be straight forward here. I don't think you are looking for a wife that will share your life in the Orthodox faith. Your views are shady and frankly, I don't like this mentality. But, not surprising considering your age. But, I do think that you are looking for an excuse to get hitched so that you can have non-guilty sex. You consider yourself Orthodox and having sex(outside marriage) is a sin so you are desperate to find a woman that will just marry you and who will be so grateful for the opportunity. This is not an Orthodox perspective of marriage.

I think your view is very disdainful of Orthodox women and you have a lot of growing up to do. And you have the audacity to present the muslim marriage example as a viable solution for your desperate situation.

Similarly, I really want my own little traditional Orthodox wife; she could provide that for me. It'd be a win-win for both of us.

It's really all about you, isn't it??

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Ps. 50)

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