So, I'm being serious here.
Seeing that I'm going to be an adult this February, I do kind of want a wife very badly. I'll just be honest--I don't like the whole dating-till-you-find-someone Western ideal that seems to be a failure. For one, it's too difficult. Second, the number of Orthodox people in North America is extremely small, so I don't have that large of an Orthodox populace to choose from.
I don't want to settle for an Orthodox female I don't love simply because of our common religion, and I don't want to take the tempting pitfall of marrying a heterodox heathen woman, even though all my friends and heterodox family tell me to. Why not search for an Orthodox bride from an Orthodox country via a "mail-order" service or something? I could then choose from literally millions of Orthodox candidates for potential brides. This nice old man at my parish told me that I should get a mail-order bride from Greece. In his own words, he said that "Greece is such a dump" that I'd have "Greek dames busting your door down; you'd be getting dozens of responses, emails, and calls from interested women every day" simply for the fact that I'm Orthodox and American.
It kind of sounds like a good idea to be honest. Many Muslims in America I've met seem to practice some form of arranged/mail-order marriage where their children marry a Muslim from a traditionally Muslim country and they seem pretty happy. I don't like Muslims too much, but I have to give them credit--at least American ones--that's a very good idea that seems to keep them from the temptations of dating and other Western practices that seem to fail.
So would it be a good idea for me to do something similar? Would getting a young Orthodox bride of maybe 14-16 from a traditionally Orthodox country be a good idea? She could live with me and my family as my fiancé until we turn 18 and can marry. If she's humble and modest, then my mother would love her. She's always complaining about how she wishes she had another female in the house (other than my toddler sister). Then when I finish my education, we can get our own place and--as much as I don't want to--fulfill my duty to Christ to have children.
I do have a bit of fears though, however. My biggest fear is discerning an Orthodox woman who genuinely loves me and is interested in having a marriage with me from one that's merely looking for a green-card out of a lousy country. I know that this is a huge risk in the arranged/mail-order bride industry. My second fear is simply what people will think. What will my family and friends think? Telling them I acquired my wife via a mail-order bride or other arranged service is kind of taboo in America.
That being said, what is this board's thoughts on all of this? Would you see arranged and/or mail-order marriages as being a good alternative and solution to the Western concept of dating and our tiny number of Orthodox people in America? Is this something I should do or not? I really want my own little cute, petite innocent Orthodox wife to love and cherish and honor. Just the thought of wrapping my arms around her and telling her I love her and hearing her respond in a foreign language sounds very romantic to me; as does the thought of coming home to my own little wife everyday and introducing her to life in America. I mean, it could be good for both of us. There's so many beautiful and devout Orthodox women in lousy countries like Syria or Ukraine who could use a better life; I could provide that for one. Similarly, I really want my own little traditional Orthodox wife; she could provide that for me. It'd be a win-win for both of us.