First openly American bishop consecrated

[Nevski]

http://www.theoniondome.com/2003/od20031121.php

COROC Synod Elects First Openly American Bishop
In a move which is being denounced, applauded, and/or ignored by many, the synod of the Church Overseas of Russian Orthodox Christians (COROC) announced today that it has elected its first openly American bishop.

"There may have been COROC bishops before who were closet Americans," said COROC spokesman Father Vasiliy Vasileivich of Sydney, Australia, "but as far as we are knowing this is first American-born bishop with openly American lifestyle."

"I am appalled," said one COROC bishop who spoke on condition of anonymity. "You can be sure I am having voted against such mockery of Gospel of Jesus Christ. Was Our Lord American? Were Holy Apostles American? Holy Theotokos? No, this action is clearly showing COROC's disregard for Holy Bible and traditions of Fathers."

"Which of the apostles were Russian?" wondered our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.

"Hmf! Stupid new-calendarist sergianist ecumenist reporter!" said the Bishop, whose name by the way is SERGE Sergeivich.

"Hey! You were supposed to keep name in secret!" complained His Grace Bishop SERGE.

"Was it anonymous bishops in Nineteenth Century Russian synod?" asked our intrepid Onion Dome reporter. "No, it was not."

"This must not be seen as modernization or ecumenicalization of COROC," warned Fr. Vasiliy. "New bishop will still do services in Slavonic."

"It will just be badly butchered Slavonic," added our intrepid Onion Dome reporter under his breath.

"I kheard that!" said Fr. Vasiliy.

Response to this daring move has been mixed throughout the Orthodox and heterodox Christian worlds.

"Who? They did what?" said His All-Holiness PATRIARCHUS the Nth, Ecumenical Patriarch of Northwest Upper Central Eastern Midtown Istanbul.

"Who? They did what?" said His Holiness FEOFAN, Patriarch of Moscow, St. Petersburg, Nizhny Novgorod, and all the Russias Besides.

"Who? They did what?" said Frank Grizzly, presiding bishop of the Episcopal Anglican Catholic Protestant Church, USA.

"Who? They did what?" said George Smith, a janitor at a small independent Baptist church close to our intrepid editor's home.

The COROC faithful, on the other hand, have been staunchly behind the action of their bishops.

"Whatever," said COROC member Linda Kellogg of Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

"Could be," admitted COROC member Pierre LaBlanc of Paris, France.

"There'll be hell to pay for this one," said COROC member Vladimir Vladimirov of Dallas, Texas, USA.

"I am thinking this will be all right in end," suggested Fr. Vasiliy. "After all what is important is person's faith in Jesus Christ's holy COROC synod, not country name on passport."

"Maybe someday they'll make an Australian bishop!" suggested Bug Vasileivichivich, Fr. Vasiliy's son and erstwhile Orthodox rap star.

"That will to be day!" exclaimed Vladimirov. "Is hard enough to understand Slavonic with American accent. Australian accent would be impossible!"

Reutorooters and Untied Press Interrational contributed diddly and squat, respectively, to this report.

[OrthodoxyOrDeath]

I'm not directin this at Nevski in any way but...

This new-calendarist trash not only makes a mockery out of a specific issue in the ecumenist church, but by association, it also makes a mockery out of Orthodoxy - Christ's Church.

Just a thought.

[Bogatyr]

Well, I guess we should be more inclusive and let a cult masquerading as "orthodox" ordain their bishops over fax machines and have altar calls where the entire congregation lays hands on them and afterward all take the remembrance cup and commemorate from plastic spoons. Then we can make sure he's married or a homosexual. That's the truly evangelical way nowadays...
Such parodies merely reflect the maturity of the posters and allude to their lack of commitment to Orthodoxy.
ORTHODOXIA I THANATOS!
R M Malleev-Pokrovsky

[Natasha]

Took the words out of my mouth OOD....
I am known for having a good sense of humor, but I cannot find any of that amusing.

[Nevski]

This new-calendarist trash not only makes a mockery out of a specific issue in the ecumenist church, but by association, it also makes a mockery out of Orthodoxy - Christ's Church.

Just a thought.

http://www.theoniondome.com/thepoint.php

Note especially the penultimate paragraph.

This board needs a hefty dose of levity, and many of its posters a hefty dose of humility. Hopefully this poke at your foibles will provide both.

[Natasha]

I just don't like that website-period. However, that doesn't mean that I am some scowling, miserable individual. I think you are being too presumptuous Nevski.
Are you actually implying that I am so ignorant that I can’t see the deep, inspired meaning in the stories? I can plainly see what the author is trying to impress upon the reader, however, I do not find the old, tired stereotypes of Russians funny….oh ha ha ha haahah…lets laugh at the fictitious Russian Priest, he can’t even speak English correctly! Let’s laugh at church scandals…oh that bit about the Russian Priest marrying the “…3 men, 5 women and a lemur”…how brilliant-yes, I need that kind of levity in my life! I do not appreciate that kind of “satire”, the only thing I see hidden in these stories is a resentful convert who thinks that the Russian people are a joke.

[OrthodoxyOrDeath]

Nevski,

Because you judge that there are people who need more humility (and I do), your prescription is mockery? And make no mistake, this is not "taking ourselves to seriously" as the Onion Dome tries to explain itself away, this is taking the Church "to seriously". In other words, because people are serious about certain important issues, we should all just laugh at it because it is worthy of laughter and not tears.

Therefore you find yourself laughing at references to homosexuality.

Read this again:
"There may have been COROC bishops before who were closet Americans," said COROC spokesman Father Vasiliy Vasileivich of Sydney, Australia, "but as far as we are knowing this is first American-born bishop with openly American lifestyle."

"I am appalled," said one COROC bishop who spoke on condition of anonymity. "You can be sure I am having voted against such mockery of Gospel of Jesus Christ. Was Our Lord American? Were Holy Apostles American? Holy Theotokos? No, this action is clearly showing COROC's disregard for Holy Bible and traditions of Fathers."

In the first paragraph, the word American is an obvious parody to the word "homosexual", which is bad enough. But when you carry this thought into the next paragraph, it is an outright blashphemy. Even without the reference to homosexuality, it is, at the very least, disrespectful to the Lord and the most Holy Theotokos to use them as a tool to make people laugh. The name of the Lord is, after all, Holy, is it not?

But as it is with humor, which is a passion, we often find ourselves laughing at something innocent and then without even realizing it, we start laughing about something sinful, which is a sin on us.

Unlike bishop Tikhon (who sanctioned this), I don't find this funny. I find it disgusting. And that's not because I take myself to seriously as some would have it, that's because, even if I may not be saved, perhaps I could get one drop of water in the next life for not offending Christ when I easily could have.

There is nothing relative to the Church, or even something people pretend is the Church, which is worthy of laughter. If you feel the need to laugh, then there are other ways which are less dangerous for you.

Don't take this as an affront. I have done all these things knowingly and unknowingly myself. But we all need to improve, each one of us. Forgive me for any offense.