Dear Olympiada-
If I am wrong, I hope I am corrected, but- I think it is possible to distinguish between God's perfect will and His permissive will. In His perfect will (and in a perfect world) nothing bad would ever happen. But we are in a fallen world where people use their fallen wills to make free choices and where things go wrong sometimes sometimes simply because they are fallen. However, by grace, even things that go terribly wrong can still be for our salvation if we let it. As St. John Chrysostom taught- nothing can ever have evil consequences to us unless we allow it to be so. And St. Peter of Damascus has a discussion of thanksgiving in all circumstances in the Philokalia. There is nothing in God's Providence which we cannot turn to our salvation simply by accepting it in the right spirit. Am I healthy? Thank God I have the strength to serve God without physical hindrance in the service of others. Am I sick? Thank God I have been slowed down to reflect on my own life or to pray for others. Am I rich? Thank God I can tithe and give to others' needs. Am I poor? Thank God I don't have the excess to act on temptations to gluttony or materialism. Are my relations to others better than I deserve? Thank God that, in my weakness, I don't have to struggle to praise God for my relationships. Have I suffered unjustly? Thank God I have not suffered more than Christ Who, though comepletely innocent and consequently suffering more than anyone ever had, still prayed unreservedly for His persecutors' forgiveness.
The same is true of your feelings for the terrible injustice of stoning and martyrdom. Absolutely it cannot be reconciled with God's justice in our understanding. It is impossible to reconcile that degree of injustice with such a commitment of devotion. And yet, with God's grace, nothing could possibly make more sense.
In Christ,
Rd. David