joasia wrote:Olympiada wrote:
Yes I am way off, a sinner, missing the mark and that is why I am leaving. Good bye.
You still don't understand...you don't show remorse for your conduct. you talk about being a sinner, but your messages indicate that you are a person that cannot understand how to feel remorseful. All you do is attack, and many of us here were patient enough to help answer your questions...yet you could never understand that we also were concerned about the type of questions you werer asking...for instance...what business is it of yours to know anything about a monk's sexual struggles? And if you were involved with a monk, then for the love of discretion and respect...keep it to yourself and don't spread that kind of personal issue here...talk to your priest and talk to the monk's elder.
You are right I do not understand you. Do you want me to understand you? Do you understand me? Do you want to understand me?
What would remorse for my conduct look like to you? As I wrote I am in chrysalis right now, so how can you see me? And I am not conducting myself, I am writing. You really have no idea how I conduct myself.
I attack? Please show me how I attack. Do you feel attacked? I am sorry for that. I am a lioness. Now why do lionesses attack? They are the hunters for their males.
I am sorry you were concerned about my questions. You are right it is none of my business to know anything about a monk's sexual struggles, nor any body's sexual struggles. I was really out of line to pry into anyone's sexual struggles. I don't know why I did that. It was pure sin on my part.
I was involved with no monk. What do you mean "involved"? Respect? I failed to have respect for my self. I may have failed to appreciate the monastic tradition as well. I have a certain resentment about a certain tradition in the church.
Personal issue, yeah I suppose it is a personal issue, and I suppose I did spread it here. It is unusual for a woman but not unheard of, in fact it has been written about before. Now I have never taken it down to the level of throwing my self at some's monk and begging to have his baby. Please, that is not my style. It was purely in my imagination which I have not wanted to submit to any man and perhaps that was my mistake and perahps that is where I different from the Orthodox tradition which I know full well, the monastic tradition, for you see I was formed by the monastic tradition and I have Unseen Warfare right here in front of me opened to Chaper Twenty Five, On control of the tongue. And I just heard in a meeting from a man I accept, appreciate, admire, and approve of, "restraint of tongue and pen."
I also have here in front of me "What the Church Father Say about Anger, Slander & Gossip" which I love so much that it is wrinkled, and I have deeply studied the third chapter of James which is all about bridling the tongue. It is true I have a very rebellious nature, my priest knows this. And I have talked to my priest about this monk and I have no idea who "this" monk's spiritual elder nor am I going to pry any more, it is none of my business who "this" monk's spiritual elder is.
So for you to be going on about this...shows that you are only out for a thrill...and this is the last thing I'm going to say about it...because girl...you need spiritual councelling. And if I would ever meet you in person...I would tell you that to your face.
I suppose I was out for a thrill, a deadly thrill. Oh well, that is who I am, a thrill seeker, that is my nature. You hit the nail on the head. Congratulations. You have no idea what a thrill seeker I am. However, again, you spot it you got it.
I told you I have been confessing this sin over and over again, and talking openly about it within my community. As I wrote I think there is a certain tradition in the Church that is way tired, but I have not been going about it the right way trying to change it, and besides how in the world can I change a 1500 year old tradition?! And why do I care so much? Well I was tapped by someone in personal confidence. Oh well. That was that person's initiation not mine. If you want to meet me I would be happy to meet you.
