Self-Abuse?

[Maria]

James,

It is essential in overcoming any sins, especially those of the passions, to pray daily, and to pray unceasingly. Pray the psalter daily, at least one kathisma (about 9 psalms). Read the prescribed New Testament readings (Epistle and Gospel) and/or at least one chapter of one of the four Gospels daily, more if you can. Spend less time on the internet because that can be a source of temptation. Before you go to sleep, make the prostration while praying the Jesus Prayer. One priest called prostrations: "spiritual push-ups." Make as many prostrations as you can until you are too exhausted to stand, then you will sleep soundly with the Holy Name of Jesus on your lips. He will save you from your sins because with God nothing is impossible. However, you must persevere in prayer.

Not only is prayer essential, but also profitable spiritual reading is paramount. By reading good spiritual books, especially the New Testament, your heart, mind, and soul are nourished and protected from the Evil One, who "roams about the world like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour" (St. Peter).

If you are not attending Sunday Divine Liturgies due to distance, etc., then by all means get a copy of St. Gregory Palamas: The Homilies, Mount Thabor Publishing, 2009. I obtained my copy at http://www.thaborian.com as it was more reasonable that Amazon.com. You will notice that St. Gregory, like St. Seraphim of Sarov, does not beat you over the head, but respectfully addresses his readers and pleads with them to increase their prayer and fasting, for only by prayer and fasting can one drive out the Evil One.

I just finished reading St. Gregory Palamas, "Homily 12: On the Fourth Sunday of Holy Lent: Being That of the Healing of the Boy with a Demon Including a Word on Attention to Inner Thoughts." This is a most excellent homily that is key for overcoming temptations and assaults from the Evil One. Notice the respectful tone especially in the first paragraph of his homily. This careful speech and behavior is often seen in saints especially after they have drawn closer to Christ. Indeed, St. Seraphim of Sarov used to address his penitents with "My joy, Christ is Risen."

• I have spoken often to your charity about fasting and prayer, especially during these holy days. But so far I have imparted nothing to your devout ears and souls about the gifts with which they honour those who love them, and the many benefits they bring about for those who make use of them. These matters are confirmed above all by the Lord's words in today's Gospel reading. So what are these gifts? They are great, probably the greatest of all. Among other things, they can bestow authority against evil spirits, to cast them out and drive them away, and to free those possessed from their cruelty. When the disciples, referring to the deaf and dumb spirit, told the Lord that they could not cast him out, the Lord told them, "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting: (Matt. 17:21) (paragraph 1, p. 87).

  When your soul inwardly repulses the evil one's attack by means of prayer, attention, remembrance of death, godly sorrow and mourning, the body too, takes its share of holiness, having acquired freedom from evil actions (p. 91).

Reading the lives of the saints especially those of St. Seraphim of Sarov (a hieromonk) by Arch. Lazarus Moore and St. Nectarios of Aegina (a Greek Orthodox Bishop-monk) is also very beneficial.

Hope this helps,
Maria

[JamesR]

James,

It is essential in overcoming any sins, especially those of the passions, to pray daily, and to pray unceasingly. Pray the psalter daily, at least one kathisma (about 9 psalms). Read the prescribed New Testament readings (Epistle and Gospel) and/or at least one chapter of one of the four Gospels daily, more if you can. Spend less time on the internet because that can be a source of temptation. Before you go to sleep, make the prostration while praying the Jesus Prayer. One priest called prostrations: "spiritual push-ups." Make as many prostrations as you can until you are too exhausted to stand, then you will sleep soundly with the Holy Name of Jesus on your lips. He will save you from your sins because with God nothing is impossible. However, you must persevere in prayer.

Not only is prayer essential, but also profitable spiritual reading is paramount. By reading good spiritual books, especially the New Testament, your heart, mind, and soul are nourished and protected from the Evil One, who "roams about the world like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour" (St. Peter).

If you are not attending Sunday Divine Liturgies due to distance, etc., then by all means get a copy of St. Gregory Palamas: The Homilies, Mount Thabor Publishing, 2009. I obtained my copy at http://www.thaborian.com as it was more reasonable that Amazon.com. You will notice that St. Gregory, like St. Seraphim of Sarov, does not beat you over the head, but respectfully addresses his readers and pleads with them to increase their prayer and fasting, for only by prayer and fasting can one drive out the Evil One.

I just finished reading St. Gregory Palamas, "Homily 12: On the Fourth Sunday of Holy Lent: Being That of the Healing of the Boy with a Demon Including a Word on Attention to Inner Thoughts." This is a most excellent homily that is key for overcoming temptations and assaults from the Evil One. Notice the respectful tone especially in the first paragraph of his homily. This careful speech and behavior is often seen in saints especially after they have drawn closer to Christ. Indeed, St. Seraphim of Sarov used to address his penitents with "My joy, Christ is Risen."

• I have spoken often to your charity about fasting and prayer, especially during these holy days. But so far I have imparted nothing to your devout ears and souls about the gifts with which they honour those who love them, and the many benefits they bring about for those who make use of them. These matters are confirmed above all by the Lord's words in today's Gospel reading. So what are these gifts? They are great, probably the greatest of all. Among other things, they can bestow authority against evil spirits, to cast them out and drive them away, and to free those possessed from their cruelty. When the disciples, referring to the deaf and dumb spirit, told the Lord that they could not cast him out, the Lord told them, "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting: (Matt. 17:21) (paragraph 1, p. 87).

  When your soul inwardly repulses the evil one's attack by means of prayer, attention, remembrance of death, godly sorrow and mourning, the body too, takes its share of holiness, having acquired freedom from evil actions (p. 91).

Reading the lives of the saints especially those of St. Seraphim of Sarov (a hieromonk) by Arch. Lazarus Moore and St. Nectarios of Aegina (a Greek Orthodox Bishop-monk) is also very beneficial.

Hope this helps,
Maria

Thank you Maria. It really does. I highly appreciate your motherly advice I wish my mother were more like you.

[Mark Templet]

This is a sin for so many people, especially young men. Your question was not how to stop per se, but why it is wrong. So, I will address that: Masturbation is in essence a completely selfish act. It takes the sexual pleasure that God has given us and removes it not only from intimacy with our spouse but places it in the realm of something totally self-serving. For a Christian sexual action is a part of the marriage bond, which carries with it the energy to procreate life. When we hold it under the rules of our fallen-ness then we twist sexual pleasure into something harmful to our souls. If sex is a way for a husband and wife to bring about children or pleasurable intimacy in their committed, God-joined relationship, then what would a solitary sexual act (masturbation) be?

James, it is important for you to understand that we are fallen and polluted by sin down to the most basic level of even our genes. We get these urges from our genes, but this is not God-given, rather this is the result of the Fall. God did not create us with the predilection toward sin. Thus, we can’t rely on our biological urges as a moral compass.

What is worse is that sooner or later masturbation WILL lead to “worse” sexual sins. Eventually, your mind will fantasize about another person, objectifying them. Once you see another person as an object, then the gateway is open for pornography. And this is a grave sin, because images are so difficult to remove from our mind’s eye. Then the fornication follows. Sin begins in the mind, then in the body, and then it turns outward.
There is no easy answer to hope to control it. I will pray for you.

Also ask the intercessions of Saint Martinian and Saint Mary of Egypt.

[jgress]

I second what Fr Mark says.

I'll just add that the reason we seem to make so much of sexual sins is precisely because, as Fr Mark notes, so many people are slaves to sexual sin. Sexual impurity has a unique ability to control our thoughts and habits, to a greater degree than other sins. So it's not like we're saying these are the only sins you should concern yourself about: you can become a habitual liar, thief, drinker, gambler, gossiper, etc. But the reality is that the most damaging type of sin, at least in our day, is addiction to sexual impurity.

As to the impure nature of these sins, such as self-abuse, Fr Mark explained it very well: it's selfish. There's also the fact that self-abuse is a kind of ABUSE; it's a misuse of something that is intrinsically very precious, namely that part of our body that participates in the creative act, namely the act of creating a new human being! There is a reason sexuality is so often shrouded in mystery, and why we always feel ashamed, to some degree, even to speak of it. It is NOT because sex is "dirty", but in fact quite the opposite. It's for the same reason that the Jews in the OT did not dare to utter God's revealed name.

The English philosopher Roger Scruton has written some good stuff on the true origins of sexual shame and modesty. See also V Moss' book "The Theology of Eros".