You are not the only one who struggles with this. Others are told that they are heretics and schismatics becuase of their jurisdiction they are a part of.
I am told that I am not welcome at a certain monastery and that I would not be allowed in the Church because I am not a part of a Church. So then in truth I am NOT Orthodox because of my jurisdictional affiliation. So I can only venerate the icons in MY temple and not in this monastery? How is that Orthodox? Where is the charity? Where is the Mercy? Ekonomia is a bad word now? Since when? This is just insane and this is NOT Orthodox! I look at this from an outsiders view as well and it seems that this forum has lost its sense of Orthodoxy and for the record if I was a convert or a person in the process of becoming a convert then this IS NOT a place I would ever go to talk about the faith. This is a place of hatred and anger and of un-Christ-like activity.
I come here and look at recent activity and all I see is "heretic" this and "deposed" that and "anathema" everything else. This is disgusting. I am just tired of this mess. We spend all day telling each other that noone except ourselves is Orthodox and this mess seriously needs to stop.The thing I do not get is where we get off assuming that we are right in the end and that everyone else is wrong. We all say the same Creed in the Liturgy and we all go to the same Communal Cup and say the same prayers as sinners so how is it that we can then come home from Diviner Services and start throwing stones in glass houses?
I dunno this whole mess is just overwhelming and it just gets tiring coming here and other places and hearung thge same old mess over and over again.I don't get it and never will. I was there once, throwing accusations and anathemas, but in the end I was the one who was really wrong. I was judging everyone else on the basis of my own version of what Orthodoxy should be and not only that but I was walling myself off from even talking to epeople. Are we that stubborn to think that maybe instead of showing hatered and anger that a bit of mercy and love might heal alot of the divisions in the Church?
I am not saying that everyone is right, thats not possible. There ARE things going on in the Orthodox world that are obviously and definitely wrong, but in the end why are we killing each other with our words? Are we bishops? We throw Canons like they are rocks, are we able to enforce the Canons (as lay people)? Maybe we should throw around the Scriptures about mercy and the love of one's brother rather than "You are not in the Church don't talk to me you ugly heretic..." What purpose does that serve? I dunno at this point I am just rambling and so I will close now.
May God have mercy on us all.