Who supports the household?

[ROCORcutie]

Hello all-

I am curious what you think about this subject. Is it the woman's role to stay at home and take care of the domestic side of things -laundry, food, cleaning, and of course, children? Do you believe that a man could do the same things if the woman made more money and worked? Do you think it is ever the woman's responsibility to support the man and the whole household? Do you believe that children should ever be placed in daycare? Why or why not?

I once had a boyfriend who started talking about marriage and he was working part-time and going to school part-time. He was not very motivated (he was in the Army and could have received $900/month to go to school, but chose not to do that). When he brought up marriage he said that because he was in school part time, I'd get out before him, and since he wanted to get his master's and PhD, I'd have to support him for about the next 8 years. Needless to say, our relationship did not last much longer (5 more days?). I did not want to support him, especially with his history of slacking off and not carrying through with his plans.

So what do you guys think of all this? Is it ever the woman's job to support her husband? I think it could be if for some reason the man cannot work. However, I dont think the man should automatically rely on and expect to be supported by the woman.

[Justin Kissel]

In Jewish culture this is not uncommon; in fact, from what I understand, if the male decides to devote his life to prayer and studying the sacred books, the wife is obligated to support the family. That's what I've read, anyway. Obviously the west in general, and America in particular, has a very different view.

I'm a big supporter of home schooling, so that might play a part in which way it works out. If, for instance, the mom could make just as much money as the Dad working FT, and the Dad is a better teacher, then I'd say the Dad staying at home should be considered. And likewise, if the Mom could do a better job raising the children, and the Dad could make as much working, then that should be considered. This is, of couse, assuming that the household has children.

Outside of that situation, if they are chidless, I'd support a "set up" that is admittedly unusual. I don't think either should work Full Time. I think both should try to work PT (preferrably with the guy working slightly more per week), and spend the rest of the time doing the housework together, and then spending all the other free time that they have in prayer, reading the bible and other spiritual material, etc. together. Of course, this set up would keep them constantly in a "poor" living condition (or lower middle class), so I guess it depends on how you're willing to live and what your priorities are.

[尼古拉前执事]

ROCORCutie, Welcome to the board. I agree with you.

Generally, the man should work full time and support his family. The man is, Biblicaly, the head of ther household. He is expected to provide for his family. Tehn, of course the woman should stay at home to do the main part of raising the kids, cleaning house, etc.

Like you, I agree that there are rare exceptions when it can or even should be filp-flopped, but God gave us certain rolls and we should live up to them.

The whole "Everyone needs a degree and a job to be of worth" idea is partly to blame for this idea where everyone wasnt s to go to school and women think that raising their kids and keeping a home isn't dignified work. It is the most dignified work that a woman can do.

[ROCORcutie]

I agree you you guys, it is the woman's job to take care of the household.

Also, I think that is it still important for women to go to college and get degrees. If something happens to the husband, or for some horrible reason there is a divorce, then they need something to fall back on. Also, college is a good time to learn about independence and living with someone else (roommate). I think that EVERYONE, as long as they can afford it, should go to college and get a degree.

[Clifton]

I don't dispute that being head of the household is the husband's God ordained role. But does that necessarily equate with being the breadwinner? Are there other Scriptures and/or canons which clarify this?(And I don't want to consider legitimate exceptions. Let's take a look at what's supposed to be the normal situation.)

[尼古拉前执事]

Here we go Clifton,

God had said to them: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over … every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:28). Now He relates the curse to that aspect of the creation mandate that is the particular responsibility of the woman and of the man and in so doing indicates the particular role that He has determined each is to fulfill. Thus, for the woman He speaks of her pain in childbirth (i.e., while seeking to be fruitful) and the struggles (as we have noted above) that will surface in the husband/wife relationship (Genesis 3:16): “To the woman he said, ‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’” In short, God speaks about what is unique to her as a woman, namely, being a mother and a wife. To the man He speaks of the difficulties he will have in his toil (i.e., while seeking to subdue the earth) to secure bread (Genesis 3:17-19): “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” Thus He delineates what is the main calling for man, namely, the responsibility of breadwinner and provider for his wife and family.

Therefore it is important in marriage and the family for a man to realize his responsibility as the primary breadwinner and to assume that responsibility willingly and gladly. It is equally important for a woman to realize her responsibility as the primary one to care for the children and the home, as these verses indicate, and as Proverbs 31 (see below) also indicates. This will provide the security and necessary time and energy for the woman to bear children but also to be with the children in their formative years when they are very dependent on their mother and need her presence. It is in this spirit that the Apostle Paul encourages young widows “to get married, bear children, keep house” (1 Timothy 5:14). Christ’s apostle exalts the home and women’s duties in it and encourages women to be “busy at home” (Titus 2:5).

[Justin Kissel]

Very interesting, Nicholas. I think part of it is cultural, much like many commands/verses in the Bible deal with slavery that are not necessarily, in the strictest sense, applicable to our culture (though of course the underlying principles are certainly still just as true as they were when they were written). On the other hand, you've provided some very interesting things to think about.