The Canons and Friendships with Non-Believers

[Maria]

In another thread, Jonathan raised some interesting questions that I felt would be answered or tackled in another thread:

There are some canonical penalties for seeking the medical services of Jews or pagans, but I don't know of them being enforced nowadays. And if they were, I'm not sure how you could effectively argue that it was OK if the doctor were simply a heretical Christian, rather than a Jew or a Muslim. The main point of this canon I think is to ensure Orthodox Christians don't become dependent on those outside the Church, and therefore more liable to losing their faith. There are even canonical penalties against forming friendships with unbelievers, but again, I don't see any evidence of these being enforced now. You should always use discretion in your dealings with those outside the Church, but a kind of extreme walling off from any contact can be counterproductive in a situation like ours, where contact with unbelievers is an inescapable part of everyday life. Something to talk about with your spiritual father, at any rate.

In today's multicultural society, is it allowable to form close friendships with non-believers, such as non-Christians?

I can see having a business relationship with non-believers, as we cannot escape that, but to take the time to develop close friendships with non-Christians could be problematic.

And then there is the issue regarding our friendships with those who are not in our particular jurisdiction, but who are part of the so-called "canonical" Orthodox jurisdictions such as the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese, the OCA, and the Antiochians. And what about our friendships with Catholics and Protestants?

[jgress]

Along these lines I'm reminded of something Fr Anastasios once remarked on, which is what he perceived as the "Judaization" of True Orthodoxy. This means the practice of taking advantage of the services of "Gentiles", i.e. those outside the Church, who carry out tasks for us that we deem canonically "incorrect", but which for that very reason we decline to do ourselves, in the same way that Jews often employ Gentiles to carry out necessary tasks for them on the Sabbath, which tasks they are themselves forbidden to undertake (e.g. turning on lights). An example would be watching movies in our free time: sure, we believe that acting is an un-Christian profession and we wouldn't consider doing it ourselves, since there are canons that forbid taking part in theatrics, but we nevertheless see nothing wrong with watching movies performed by non-Orthodox actors, since we are not the ones doing it. But, if acting is inherently a sinful profession, isn't it immoral to take advantage of the sinful profession of others?

[Maria]

Along these lines I'm reminded of something Fr Anastasios once remarked on, which is what he perceived as the "Judaization" of True Orthodoxy. This means the practice of taking advantage of the services of "Gentiles", i.e. those outside the Church, who carry out tasks for us that we deem canonically "incorrect", but which for that very reason we decline to do ourselves, in the same way that Jews often employ Gentiles to carry out necessary tasks for them on the Sabbath, which tasks they are themselves forbidden to undertake (e.g. turning on lights). An example would be watching movies in our free time: sure, we believe that acting is an un-Christian profession and we wouldn't consider doing it ourselves, since there are canons that forbid taking part in theatrics, but we nevertheless see nothing wrong with watching movies performed by non-Orthodox actors, since we are not the ones doing it. But, if acting is inherently a sinful profession, isn't it immoral to take advantage of the sinful profession of others?

And I believe this is why many priests and bishops in the HOTNA and HOTCA/GOC jurisdictions teach that it is good to give up TV viewing, particularly watching TV series like NCIS, Dancing with the Stars, etc.

Not only are the passions inappropriately aroused, but also these TV shows can be highly addictive.
Thus, TV viewing is an unhealthy activity both physically and spiritually.
In addition, recent research has shown that children under the age of two are negatively affected by TV viewing and probably computer usage too.

[Maria]

Back on topic:

What is the appropriate Orthodox Christian behavior regarding friendships?

Surely, we are to keep our old friends and by our good example, hope and pray that they will ultimately convert to Holy Orthodoxy.

But should we True Orthodox Christians try to cultivate the friendship of non-Christians, Protestants, Catholics, and members of Worldwide Orthodoxy in communion with the EP and the MP?

[Ephrem]

Here is what I have heard: "True friendship is humbling yourself for your friend. The Lord says that to lay down one's life for your friends is the greatest love."

Accordingly, we ought to be a friend to all. That is, we should humble ourselves before everyone, considering ourselves last in all circumstances. Familiarity and passionate attachment is harmful even between two Orthodox people, but to humble ourselves is never harmful.

[joasia]

I don't think having non-Orthodox or non-TOC friends is a problem. Didn't we, as converts, have an Orthodox friend at one point? I did and that's how I learned about Orthodoxy. And those converts who went to an Orthodox Church made friends there before converting and perhaps were better guided. But, those Orthodox (cradle and even convert) who would act negatively to a person who came to see a service, usually drove that person away from converting, because of their lack of love and lack of humility. That is a great sin.

My family is catholic. I also have a catholic friend and some new calendarists. It's just a matter of how close you feel with that person. I had two convert friends who got so discouraged with Orthodoxy (due to their prelest), that they left the Orthodox faith. One became a Baptist preacher (female) and the other went back to the catholics and Anglicans. That's when I broke those ties because they became apostates. And the Holy Fathers do say that we shouldn't be friends with apostates; those who were in the true faith and rejected it. Because associating with them may bring us to fall. Run the other way. But, I hope, for them, that they will return. It's also impossible to talk with them because they feel so justified by their choice that completely appalls me to the depth of my soul.

The Lord says that to lay down one's life for your friends is the greatest love."

For a stranger, is even greater.

[Maria]

I agree with you, Joanna.

I have been maintaining my friendships with my Catholic and Christian friends, while praying that they may come to the truth.
But on the other hand, I have been very careful not to be prideful and turn them away from Orthodoxy.
Yes, I have seen other Traditional Catholics and Orthodox Christians alike frown on those who come to services without proper attire (not wearing head coverings and modest skirts), and that can surely turn visitors away from Holy Orthodoxy.

BTW, my siblings are ex-catholics. Please pray for them. They are also anti-Orthodox as they assume that Orthodox are Catholics minus the Pope.

I don't think having non-Orthodox or non-TOC friends is a problem. Didn't we, as converts, have an Orthodox friend at one point? I did and that's how I learned about Orthodoxy. And those converts who went to an Orthodox Church made friends there before converting and perhaps were better guided. But, those Orthodox (cradle and even convert) who would act negatively to a person who came to see a service, usually drove that person away from converting, because of their lack of love and lack of humility. That is a great sin.

My family is catholic. I also have a catholic friend and some new calendarists. It's just a matter of how close you feel with that person. I had two convert friends who got so discouraged with Orthodoxy (due to their prelest), that they left the Orthodox faith. One became a Baptist preacher (female) and the other went back to the catholics and Anglicans. That's when I broke those ties because they became apostates. And the Holy Fathers do say that we shouldn't be friends with apostates; those who were in the true faith and rejected it. Because associating with them may bring us to fall. Run the other way. But, I hope, for them, that they will return. It's also impossible to talk with them because they feel so justified by their choice that completely appalls me to the depth of my soul.

The Lord says that to lay down one's life for your friends is the greatest love."

For a stranger, is even greater.