From The Way into the Kingdom of Heaven by St. Innocent of Alaska:
In summary, it is impossible to enter the Kingdom of Heaven or even come close to it without the assistance of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we should implore the Holy Spirit with all earnestness to come dwell in us and help us, just as He helped the Holy Apostles.
(The entire "How Jesus Christ helps us" section is relevant.)
From my current understanding, there is the grace that God gifts to all people that brings them to faith, (as St. Paul states in I Corinthians 12:3) and the grace which is imparted to those who are baptised, chrisimated, and in ascetic labor. From my reading, I'm getting the impression that there's only so far one can progress in spiritual life without these. Not that it's pointless to pray and struggle in virtue, but that it's like trying to run a marathon with your shoelaces tied together.
Aside from making one's biggest goal to become regenerate, what should one's conduct and mindset be until that point?
Living a 'life by counsel' is good, but can be difficult. Striking a balance to actually feel struggle, but sustainably, I've found difficult. St. Ignatius Brianchaninov very strongly warns against unfeasibly long prayer rules, because one will burn out and fall into despair. The questions of "how much? Am I strong enough for this? Am I sparing myself from self-love?" are tricky to answer.
I don't ask for specifics. (I know giving out such advice on the internet can go very, very wrong.) But, I've found lately, that I'm constantly confused and flip-flopping. I don't know what direction to take, until I can be baptised. (This may take quite a while in my case.) I don't know what I should realistically expect of myself. Is there any writing, or help, or other material that deals with this problem?
If my understanding is totally off, or I'm asking for something unreasonable/not wise, forgive me. This seems to me like the best place to ask this.